Yo, Jethro – Shelly Blaisdell

downloadDear Jethro,

​I am the last of my friends to get married. Been single all my life. Don’t know why. Just can’t find the right girl. My friends are urging me to try on-line dating. Having trouble choosing a good profile picture. I like this one, but I photoshopped it a little. Added some color to my cheeks, (I’m actually a little pale). Is it ok to do that kind of thing?

Ed.

Dear Ed

Dating site photos are notoriously misleading. Case in point: When I was on the market, I used this as my profile pic:  download-1

 

It may seem dishonest, like those real estate ads that say “charming” to mean 300 square feet, and “rustic” to mean no indoor plumbing. But it’s all about getting that first date. Every one does it. Once you meet, you can explain that you just got out of the hospital after crashing your private plane and doctors say your eyebrows and your fortune will come back just as soon as you find someone to love. In turn, they will tell you those 120 pounds not shown in the photo are just for a movie roll, and it will all be gone in time for the Oscars.

There are always a few brave souls who post their real photo, without taking a magic eraser to that third nostril, but these “au naturale” photos usually contain people dressed as Thor or Sulu or Harry Connick Junior. Be sure to read those profiles carefully. I mean VERY carefully. I once went on a date that ended up in the basement of an Apple store with a bunch of hairless cats “playing” with the “mice.” Did NOT see that coming.

Personal embellishment is not limited to dating photos. Recent studies reveal that in written descriptions, 120% of men state that they are six and a half feet tall and 137% of women say they are a size negative 4. More than half of primates rank their tree-to-tree swinging range is “More than you need, Baby” and a whopping 98% of dogs report they sleep on the Master’s bed.

In most cases, a little touch up to smooth out some wrinkles or adding a zero to your income is actually expected. Failing to do so tells prospective playdates that you have the creativity of a paperclip, or worse, that you are actually happy with yourself just as you are. Your profile and picture should inspire others to either bite your clothes off OR invite you for a masochistic season in their “Complete Partner Re-build” program. Tailor your profile to attract the experience you want to blog about.

I approve this pic and the blush. You have a unique style Ed. Play up your strengths! One look at you says “I am rugged and traditional and enjoy long hours in damp sunless environs listening to Pink Floyd albums.”

Hi, I’m Jethro. 21-300x208 I take questions from all animals,

even Banana Slugs.

 I’m here to help.  And you know you can trust me,

because I have an awesome soul-patch.

Submit questions for Jethro via his website: www.TheAnswerCat.blogspot.com.
This column will be posted there one week after its publication here in the absolutely awesome Culver City Crossroads.

www.shellyblaisdell.com

www.culvercitysymphony.org

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