So, you live in one of the coolest cities in the whole country, you know politics is important and you have just been too crazy busy to sit down and mark up your ballot. All this obfuscating language- vote no on yes, vote yes on no, it’s enough give you a headache. Who has the time? Today’s the day. Print this out and take it with you. At the very least it will give you something to laugh at while you are waiting your turn.
First, I am voting for Jerry. Of course I am. I often find my chauvinistic feminist outlook predisposes me to vote for a female candidate, but I don’t like the idea of voting for Margaret Thatcher or Indira Ghandi. Or Meg Whitman, who would probably have a really good time at a tea party with Margaret and Indira.
I like Jerry. I liked him the first time, when everyone mocked him for being frugal and environmentally concerned. We need frugal and environmentally concerned. Our lives, and our communities, depend on it.
I am also voting for Barbara. No, it’s not because I was raised in family of fanatically liberal union leaders. (Well, that’s true, but a story for another day) I like a number of things about Barbara, including the fact that she is not Carly. The woman to woman contest should draw a dead heat here, but I vote for feminists, not just females.
Prop. 19 – Read Hanna’s essay. It covers every inch of the argument. Think of all the empty prison cells and unemployed drug lords. Think of all the relaxed, happy people who won’t have to have liver transplants or kidney failure. Think of Carl Sagan, and think of the billions and billions of dollars that won’t have to be spent trying to eradicate a weed. Vote yes, and let sanity reign supreme.
Prop. 20 – Let the legislature draw the damn districts. I’m not giving all that power to some commission of folks beholden to no one. Doesn’t the legislature have to do something with their time besides hold up the budget, screw the schools and take their per diem to the bank? Vote no.
Prop 21 – I love the state parks, and I use them often. I like my car, and I drive it as infrequently as I can get away with it. This is like Measure EE. C’mon, you can afford $18, and it will be completely worth it. Maybe we could even maintain the trails at Joshua Tree, and keep Ed Rosenthal safe. Kick in- Vote yes.
Prop 22 – You may not know that our ersatz friends in Sacramento relieved the City of Culver City of about $11 million dollars last year by looting our Redevelopment Agency. Then we lost the lawsuit asking them to pay us back someday. That’s a whole lot of concerts to not attend, artwork not to see, theater in the park that can’t happen. You can restrict the authority of the state to rob us again. Then you can submit a proposal to paint a mural with the words – Vote yes.
Prop 23 – You would never, ever consider voting for more pollution. The idea that we should hold off on our (remarkably mild) efforts to decrease global warming until unemployment reaches a level it hasn’t held steady since the beginning of WWII is so crude, it’s being supported by oil companies. Surprise! Vote no.
Prop 24 – Corporate welfare. If you read through all the material on this one, you will need to brush your teeth after you barf. Vote yes.
Prop. 25 – This would make it possible for the California State Legislature to actually pass a budget without having to pass a kidney stone first. Vote yes.
Prop. 26 – Would you like taxpayers to have to pick up the tab on the next huge oil disaster? Don’t volunteer your money to clean up their stupid mistakes. It would also mean the legislature would have to approve (and fail to approve) a bunch of state and local proposals when they have so many more important things to do, like take money away from our educational system. Vote no.
Prop. 27 – (See notes above about voting no on 20) Vote yes. The Citizen Redistricting Commission are all probably just a bunch of people that the legislature wanted to have lunch with anyway. This is the job we are paying the legislature to do, and they should do it.
Now you have done your job as a citizen, you can get back to the business of the day.
Thanks for voting. We need you. Stay tuned for the results tomorrow.
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