Sometimes when I’m out on the leash, I like to tie myself up. I read on the internet that this is called “bondage.” I tried to talk with my owners about it, but they were not very happy. I like my leash. I like it a lot.
What’s wrong with me Jethro?
Don’t worry. You are not a nut job. Lots of dogs are into bondage, but they don’t know it. They pretend to be confused when leashed and “accidentally” bind them selves in knots only Navy Seals could execute. Then they flop over in faux despair and gaze up at their Master and pant, beautifully. The Master then rescues the dog while chastising him, thus rendering the dog “bad” and loved at the same time.
Apparently LabraDoodles are especially drawn to bondage due to the conflicting natures of their mixed breed. The Poodle part of them is a Type-A over achiever, like a CEO of a multinational company running secret contraband dog biscuit deals through Bogota sometimes longs for a Dom who will make him fill out her tax returns, naked. His Poodle nature is a spinning ball of intellect and power and sometimes that power is just too much to bear. Sometimes he just wants to be forced to “stay” so he can stop plotting to rob the neighbor’s house . . . just because he can. The Golden Lab just wants to lick the Master.
Then, on a purely sensory level, some simply like the feel of wide, warm leather pressed against the body, just the tiniest bit too tightly . . . Especially leather with some history: maybe once used to pin a pose in place for a hungry gaze, or to hold a prideful swishing tail in check. A good leash, scented with aged catnip and gently tugged by someone whispering your secret name, can induce a delicious and excruciating longing. Some say that the leash, when laced like a Victorian shoe across your trembling ankles, can bring on a heightened awareness of your frailty, and so by comparison, a heightened awareness of your Master’s power. I’ve heard that can be quite nice . .
even Banana Slugs.
I’m here to help. And you know you can trust me,
because I have an awesome soul-patch.
Submit questions for Jethro via his website: www.TheAnswerCat.blogspot.com.
This column will be posted there one week after its publication here in the absolutely awesome Culver City Crossroads.