I found your profile on match.com. I think we have a lot in common. I too, am a non-smoker who likes crickets and yogurt. I think we should meet for coffee and just see where it goes. Actually, we have met, once long ago, after a book signing at the Bodhi Tree. You signed my copy of “BE the Laser Pointer” and told me you liked my dress. I’ve read everything you’ve ever written. I need to be with you. We are soul mates. I have 1043 photos of you. If you won’t meet me I will chew my own foot off. There are tiny alien dogs living under my bed. They told me to kill you. Will you follow me on instagram? I love you.
I made a copy of your house key out of my own regurgitated toenails.
Lets do lunch!
This is Officer Jacobs. Please reacquaint yourself with the terms of the restraining order instated March 2010. It clearly states that you may not contact Mr. Answer Cat for any reason. I’m sure you’ll understand his concern after the unfortunate events at the Beverly Hills Olive Garden.
Dear Jethro The Answer Cat,
At this year’s Yoga conference Sedona, I include the Praying Prairie Dog in my routine and the other instructors said it wasn’t “official.” I’ve been teaching this pose for years. What was that all about?
Under pressure from the Yoga Illuminati back in the 1600’s the Praying Prairie Dog was left out of the original canon of Yoga Poses. Also dissed were the Crouching Capybara and the Angry Opossum. You probably learned this pose from a rebel yogi who lives in constant fear of the secret Yoga Police.
The Praying Prairie Dog is a pose that opens the chest, raising it toward the heavens encouraging the flow of prana and helping poorly chewed pine nuts to go down. It also opens the armpits, facilitating release of noxious vapors.
Begin with standing in Tree Pose, or in your case, Grass Pose. Then fold into Downward Dog. In this case, the assumption is a domestic dog, like a weimaraner. Then slowly raise your chest, arms and chin into the Praying Prairie Dog. The object of the pose is to find peace with a God who would ask you to raise your chin when Prairie Dogs don’t really have chins.
even Banana Slugs.
I’m here to help. And you know you can trust me,
because I have an awesome soul-patch.
Submit questions for Jethro via his website: www.TheAnswerCat.blogspot.com.
This column will be posted there one week after its publication here in the absolutely awesome Culver City Crossroads.