I’ve been searching for years. Do you remember me? It was Paris. We were young. I was beautiful then. You brought me escargot and we watched the sunset. The petite rouge squirrels scampered near the trees. They taunted us, playfully. Do you remember? You asked one of them to dance for me Jethro. Oh how I loved you fiercely. Then one cold night you said you were leaving for Hollywood. You left me sitting in a cafe on the Seine. I waited. You never returned. I cried. I smoked. Now I have found you. My heart trembles and my tiny bunny parts are aflame with the the memory of you. I am at the Four Seasons until Saturday. Come to me, Jethro. Could you still love me? I brought some Camembert.
Juliette my scrumptous little petit four!
Of course I remember you! I always wanted to go back for you but immediately upon arriving in Hollywood, my agent invited me to a Scientology retreat. Id actually like to tell you about those next two years but I signed a contract. I just upgraded you room to the penthouse. Ill be there tonight at sunset. Meet me by the pool. I’ll bring setiva catnip. Wear the beret.
Votre panthere noire
even Banana Slugs.
I’m here to help. And you know you can trust me,
because I have an awesome soul-patch.
Submit questions for Jethro via his website: www.TheAnswerCat.blogspot.com.
This column will be posted there one week after its publication here in the absolutely awesome Culver City Crossroads.