A member wrote a scathing letter about me to WW. This member was very angry at me and accused me of shaming them. Now there’s more to the story than that, but let’s just say that the idea of shaming someone is so totally out of my nature. I don’t even think that way-not even to my kids.
I call these moments “green hair” times. It’s when you are accused of something so completely foreign than who you are or in my case, who you intend to be, that it’s like they’re yelling at you about your green hair. Well you don’t have green hair, so what the heck are they talking about?
The problem is for many of us, when we receive criticism there is a place deep inside that takes it in and believes that “yes, I guess I have green hair.” And that is why we either respond in anger or we respond by eating, sleeping, exercising, or something else that gives us the relief from our pain.
I am in pain. Don’t get me wrong-that’s why I’m writing. No one likes to be accused of something. What I want to do is write this person back and say, “You have accused me and it’s not okay!” And this particular accusation is so difficult. Frankly, when I get quiet and feel it, I’m very sad. The fact is I can’t do anything to rectify whatever part I played in the misunderstanding. There isn’t an avenue currently revealed, for me to communicate and begin a healing process. It doesn’t matter ultimately that this person misunderstood me as much as it matters that some sort of healing process could begin.
The act of accusation is a sort of violence put upon another. It is different than opening a line for communication to heal goings on between one person and another. To accuse means that the accuser has sort of made up their mind already about what the situation was, and therefore what the outcome will be on some level. “You did this and therefore I have a right to do (feel, say, think) that.” When we come upon a situation with the intent to heal, then we can say, “I observed this, and felt that.” Then the other can say, “I observed that, and felt this.” and the healing can begin. That doesn’t mean that the situation will be rectified, but hopefully communication starts and therefore forgiveness can tiptoe in.
To think that our interpretations have the “ultimate” meaning or truth is dangerous. And my sincerest hope is that my member reads this blog and gives me a chance to apologize for whatever pain was caused. I earnestly pray that whether or not I am part of the process, that this person can eventually forgive me and find peace.