Ever Enough?

Ever Enough?

When will I feel ___________ enough?

I’m tired of the “never enough” feeling. Truly, truly tired. It doesn’t even possess me the way it used to. Now it haunts me like a ghost that won’t move on to its next realm.

“Never enough” has never helped me.

At some point, I have engaged with:

Never thin enough.
Never pretty enough.
Never smart enough.
Never lucky enough.
Never understood enough.
Never fair enough.
Never enough money.
Never enough time.
Never enough resources.
Never enough travel.
Never enough good sex.
Never full enough.
Never satisfied enough.
Never accomplished enough.
Never enough done.
Never read enough.
Never written enough.
Never recognized enough.
Never valued enough.
Never extraordinary enough.

Can you feel the exhaustion in the above list? Can you feel the deep sense of waste? How can anyone continue their life with the messages of “not enough” and yet many of us do, day in and day out, never satisfied, never really content. The ghost of “not enough” bares her teeth at us and we feel beaten down once again.

Part of the learning to overcome “enough” has been to understand what healthy striving is and how it centers in my heart. Healthy striving has energy behind my actions. I don’t feel put upon, but instead inspired, ready to take action. Healthy striving is about having all my synapses firing at once, stimulating and inviting me towards creation of whatever it is I’m working towards.

Never enough feels like a dampening on my synapses. It may cause an initial motivation to engage in some change, but it isn’t sustainable in a healthy way. I feel uninspired finally.

When you understand the drain of “never enough,” then you can start to examine where the message comes from and WHY you keep the tape in your head going? I am sometimes surprised by the habitualization by myself of others to fervently keep thoughts and feelings that don’t work for us. They can seem like our roots. They are part of who we have become. Wouldn’t you like to let go of some of those thoughts and habits? Wouldn’t you like to be free?

So how do we do that?

Recently a teacher of mine pointed out a pattern I have.

I get overwhelmed.
I tell myself I’m not enough.
I feel depressed.

It took me a while to even start to internalize and recognize this pattern. But I started noticing the steps when something was going on in my mind. Yes it can seem obvious, but when you are experiencing this state, it’s not readily apparent.

What happened was that during my pattern, I started catching my thoughts. I started catching myself saying something about “enough” like “didn’t get enough done” thoughts. And then I would bolt up and think, “OMG, this is it! I’m in the pattern!” So excited like discovering gold! Because my thoughts aren’t real! They are just thoughts! But they cause me to respond in ways that don’t feel powerful. So I would immediately change the thoughts. Like I would focus on what I had accomplished. And I would just insist that my old self drop the negative thought, realizing that those thoughts are useless. Absolutely useless.

And the more I caught myself in the pattern, the more quickly I could recover and come out of it. It felt like such a relief. I’m so over the “not enough” thoughts about anything!

What if we never again internalized the thought of “not enough?” The possibility to live in that potential almost seems daunting. Are we willing to let go of “not enough?” Old habits have to be noticed and put down. Would you like to join me and try?

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