Dear Jethro –
Well I just don’t know what to do with these two anymore. I tell them, the early bird catches the worm, but they do not care, they just go back to sleep – I’m up with the larks, and them – my own offspring – they are a couple of night owls, never want to go to bed, and never EVER want to get up in the morning – How did these chicks end up in my nest? Are they really mine?
And most importantly, am I going to have to get a rooster for them to believe it’s time to get up ?
Mom Aflutter over Circadian Rhythms
Dear MAORC
The “Early Worm” proverb rings true for most adults. But the metaphor is lost on teenagers, who only want a worm deep fried and rolled in cinnamon and sugar, basically a churro. Churros are available anytime of day, and they are the only non-sentient simple carbohydrate that spawn, endlessly seeking out teenagers to eat them.
New research has proven that teen body clocks are actually set to Fiji time. It is an autonomic rebellion to “school,” which, despite the 30 years since the industrial revolution, sees teens as pre-union coal miners. The teen brain really does want to learn math and science, but it wants to learn it by building a suspension bridge out of coconuts.
So I’m saying, the 2am wild eyed popcorn crazed humming birds and the 7am comatose mumbling zombie turkeys are still your very good girls.
Unfortunately, you still have to get them out the door at 7:30 with matching socks and a churro. So, you’ll have to be tough. You do not need to get a rooster. But you do need an accordion. Tell them you have to practice at 7:00am.
Hi, I’m Jethro. 
I take questions from all animals,
even Banana Slugs.
I’m here to help. And you know you can trust me,
because I have an awesome soul-patch.
Submit questions for Jethro via his website: www.TheAnswerCat.blogspot.com.
This column will be posted there one week after its publication here in the absolutely awesome Culver City Crossroads.
Be the first to comment