The Skinny – Amy Brunell

“Things do not change, People change.” Henry David Thoreau

Sorry Henry, I think I disagree.

Things are constantly changing and people are often challenged by change. Our resistance to change and our inability to accept change can cause feelings of being stuck, restlessness and depression.

Sometimes I ask in my groups, “Who here is having a fairly okay time in your life right now?” I wait for hands and then I say, “Don’t worry-it will change.” Of course we all laugh, but to truly accept that some circumstance in your life will change over this year is to understand the dynamic nature of the universe. Instead of being stuck, we all have the ability to step out and meet these changes. Perhaps not head on but with curious minds, taking small steps to understand and embrace the changes.

“Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.” ~Shunryu Suzuki
Sometimes we recognize the change is coming, but we can’t cope because the change the Universe offers seems to almost impossible to deal with-as when we experience loss. We try to keep things as they were to avoid our suffering. Intellectually, we know we can’t keep situations the same, but in our heart broken state, we may try to keep reminders, trinkets or routines to avoid the inevitable. What doesn’t change for all of humankind is the pain of loss and other common themes we experience in our lifetimes. Someone we love will die. Some sort of heartbreak will occur. Some sort of disappointment happens. These are shared themes in all lives. What we can do is reach out to the shared community of humankind who can relate to our loss.

Last night I had to put down our beloved Weimaraner, Buddy. He was in end-stage congestive heart failure. I was with him through the end and stayed with him after he was put down. While my grief is tangible, I know that most of you get it and relate. I am not alone.

What would be of benefit to others in times of loss is if we could remember our shared humanity. If we could reach out and offer a hand of support. It is not necessary to have answers, it’s only necessary to say, I get it. I’ve had loss too.

As we embrace the inevitable change, then we also change. And we are not alone.

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3 Comments

  1. Amy, I remember getting this message from you at WW. I was feeling alone & isloated and you were so encouraging. You said that we all feel that way sometime, but it is never true. We are all connected. I am so happy to see you here on Crossroads!!

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